"Live While We're Young" One Direction

How does one rebel against teen pop stardom without losing an ounce of mom-approved accessibility? Just ask the adorable British moppets of One Direction. "Live While We're Young," the lead single from their second studio album (what, already?!), Take Me Home, is another bouncy guitar ditty...full of barely-veiled references to having a one-night stand with a stranger. Lines like "I know we only met/but let's pretend it's love" are not exactly appropriate for the group's core audience, but they'll pass right over the heads of tween girls too busy rocking out to the rousing "woah oh ohs." The rest of us will just have to look past the inherent skeeviness—or miss out on some awesome cowbell. B

Throwback Thursday: "I'll Make Love to You" Boyz II Men

Though it was the battle between the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync that dominated the zeitgeist (BSB 4EVA!), the title for biggest boy band of the '90s might actually belong to Boyz II Men, who harmonized their way to more than 20 million albums sold and three of the longest-running #1 hits of all time. Among those signature smashes is "I'll Make Love to You," an R&B power ballad that spent an astounding 14 weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100 and lives on as the soundtrack to countless slow dances at proms and weddings. It's an appropriately sterile legacy for what is possibly one of the least sexy sex jams ever recorded. Despite some fairly explicit references to where things are headed ("Throw your clothes on the floor/I'm gonna take my clothes off, too"), the song's booming grandeur is hardly carnal—more suitable for an epic declaration of love than a proposition to get it on. There's a sense of intimacy missing from "I'll Make Love," especially as the chorus bursts with the rich vocals of all four Men, suggesting a whole other kind of entanglement. B-

18 years ago this week, "I'll Make Love to You" was the #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100.

"Diamonds" Rihanna

As sure as children go back to school and the leaves change color, each fall brings a new Rihanna album. Yesterday, she announced her fourth straight November release (and seventh studio effort in as many years), which was followed today by the debut of lead single, "Diamonds," an aspiring lovers' anthem that falls short with its insipidly repetitive lyrics. On the plus side, the midtempo groove is a refreshing change of pace for the Barbadian pop star; given the opportunity to dig at something a little deeper, she bears flashes of the soul that was frequently missing from her extended foray into dance floor divadom. But there are only so many times that one can hear Rihanna bizarrely sing the line "Shine bright like a diamond" as though she learned it phonetically (hint: much fewer than the 24 times she does it in the song) before this rough gem starts to lose its luster. B-

"Die Young" Ke$ha

Here's something you probably never thought you'd hear: Ke$ha is better than this. In that sense, she's surprised us all with "Die Young," the disappointing lead single from her upcoming second studio album, Warrior. It's pretty much the only way in which the song surprises. Throwing together all the typical ingredients of a Ke$ha track—massive Dr. Luke hook, party-like-nothing-else-matters lyrics, Auto-Tune galore—"Young" feels entirely too expected, as though she's pandering to fans for a guaranteed hit. Ke$ha's party girl antics and "garbage chic" style have previously been the inspiration for some legitimately great pop music (yes, they have; just admit it), but this "Tik Tok" rehash is stale like leftover beer the morning after a kegger. C

"This Kiss" Carly Rae Jepsen

By far my favorite music trend of 2012 is the bubblegum pop revival. From the Backstreet Boys to Britney Spears, the genre was the soundtrack to my youth, and I can't help but smile hearing it blast again from the radio as One Direction tells me how beautiful I don't know I am. Leading the charge, at least in my book, is Canadian sensation Carly Rae Jepsen, who has brought so much joy to my ears this year with songs like "Call Me Maybe" and the appropriately-titled "Good Time." Her latest single, the cheery, chirpy "This Kiss," keeps the streak alive with an irresistible '80s mall-pop vibe that would make Tiffany proud. Its artificial sound—synthy keyboard hook, staccato drum machine claps, playful dashes of Vocoder—is the perfect driving music for a night out on the neon-lit town. B+

Throwback Thursday: "Unpretty" TLC

In recent years, a spate of "it gets better" dance anthems have proved hugely successful for just about every major pop diva around. But none of them has matched the poignancy or heart of TLC's self-empowerment opus "Unpretty," which was warning girls against the dangers of society's unfair beauty standards—and the boys who buy into them—long before Lady Gaga was even a twinkle in pop music's eye. What distinguishes "Unpretty" is its candid vulnerability. Rather than floating above the self-doubting misery of it all on bursting synths and soaring vocals (à la recent hits like "Firework" and "Born This Way"), it is grounded in melancholy confessions and inviting harmonies that give the listener a true empathetic hook. The song becomes an opportunity for honest self-reflection and emotional confrontation, not just the soundtrack to a hot night out at the club, and that makes the ebullient affirmation of the chorus feel all the more enlightened and sincere. The result is a genuinely uplifting musical experience—one in which the final, blissful electric guitar solo seems to carry you away into a state of cathartic peace. A

13 years ago this week, "Unpretty" was the #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100.

"9th Inning"/"Triple Threat" Missy Elliott ft. Timbaland

In the seven years since Missy Elliott last dropped a new album, the music industry has seen radical shifts in its economic and artistic landscape. So when Elliott announced over Labor Day weekend that she was finally debuting two new singles from her seventh studio effort, Block Party, it was a moment of both excitement and apprehension for fans: Would Missy deliver the goods? Was there even still a place for her in the current rap game? On "9th Inning," Elliott (with assistance from longtime collaborator Timbaland) laughs off such questions, plotting her imminent return to the top of the charts over a racing piano arpeggio. She goes even further on "Triple Threat"—the superior track for its skittering, spacey, classically Timbo production—promising to "slap whoever said I'm irrelevant." Whether audiences are equally ready to re-embrace Elliott as rap's premier female emcee is to be seen; neither "Inning" nor "Threat" is as mind-bendingly catchy as her signature hits. But both have an authentic hip-hop vision that should leave Nicki Minaj quaking slightly in her stilettos—and hopefully stepping up her game. "9th Inning": B/"Triple Threat": A-

"Your Body" Christina Aguilera

Twice before, Christina Aguilera has launched a new album with a sexified makeover, and twice before, her "XXXtina" persona has been met with swift public rejection. (In 2002, Stripped's lead single, "Dirrty," tanked on the charts, while "Not Myself Tonight"...well, I'm sure Aguilera would rather forget 2010's Bionic altogether.) So it makes perfect sense that the first release from Lotus—her upcoming fifth studio album and much-hyped comeback following a high-profile stint on NBC's The Voice—features Aguilera screaming, "All I want to do is fuck your body!" Indeed, this is exactly what America has been yearning to hear from the big-voiced diva and 31-year-old mother. Yet there is an undeniable trashy appeal to "Your Body," which finds Aguilera following her peers into the radio-friendly waters of producers Martin and Shellback. Its slow-burning groove has a seductive sleaziness about it that should rile listeners into questionable fits of self-worship just in time for the chorus—so raunchy and hard-hitting and loud—to explode in their faces. It's like a regrettable one-night stand that you can't help but secretly kind of enjoy—and isn't that what great pop music is all about? B-

"The Boys" Nicki Minaj ft. Cassie

These days, you can blink and you'll miss another new Nicki Minaj single. Just weeks after releasing the candy-colored video for "I Am Your Leader," she's already back with "The Boys," a peppy girl-power collaboration that heralds the November re-release of her second album, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded (now appended The Re-Up, an exorbitant mouthful of a title if I've ever heard one). "Boys" once again melds Minaj's hip-hop roots with her pop sensibilities—the most successfully that she's done so since "Super Bass"—jumping between winning rap punchlines ("I just come through with the Six like my name was Blossom") and a snappy, biting hook sung by R&B songstress Cassie. The problem is that the song is also kind of annoying, buried under a plethora of distractions, including inexplicable gunfire sound effects and inhuman levels of vocal distortion. B-

Throwback Thursday: "SexyBack" Justin Timberlake

Two years before Lady Gaga first p-p-p-poked her face into the national spotlight, Justin Timberlake was already laying the groundwork for the dance-pop explosion with his sophomore solo album, FutureSex/LoveSounds. Full of brilliant urban-electro mash-ups, the Grammy-winning effort was like a gateway drug for all the pulsing synths and racing BPM to come. No dose was stronger than lead single "SexyBack," the highly addictive club banger that kick-started a phenomenon so massive even Prince felt compelled to comment on it. Combining a driving industrial beat with the forceful, almost primal, dance floor command to "Get your sexy on!," this Timbaland production was unlike anything pop music had ever heard before—and still sounds as though it's being transmitted from a gritty underground rave twenty years in the future. It's too bad little else since has lived up to its promise. A

Six years ago this week, "SexyBack" was the #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100.

"Sorry" Ciara

She was once the Princess of Crunk&B, now she can barely get an album released, but I stay rooting for Ciara. Whether due to the technical wizardry of brilliant producers or the compelling slinkiness of her limited vocals, she has given us some of the best R&B songs of the last decade, from the gritty bop of "Oh!" to sultry bedroom jam "Promise." New single "Sorry," from Ciara's upcoming fifth studio album, One Woman Army, doesn't reach those epic heights, but its retro vibe and no-frills production are a refreshing contrast to the current pop scene. Couples looking for the soundtrack to their make-up sex will appreciate the track's gently undulating musical peaks and emotional climaxes. Plus, who doesn't love a sexy saxophone? B+

"Clique" Kanye West ft. Big Sean and Jay-Z

I was lukewarm on "Mercy," the first single from G.O.O.D. Music's upcoming Cruel Summer, when it premiered in April, but the hypnotic rap track has slowly grown into one of my favorite songs of the year. Follow-up "Clique," on the other hand, makes an instant impact; its heavy drumbeat, blustering hook and in-your-face swagger form a hip-hop battle cry that should be impossible for enemies (and mixtape emcees) to ignore. Elder statesman Jay-Z doesn't serve up his best work, spending too much time taking roll, but Kanye West throws down enough witty lines to keep things interesting and Big Sean steals the show with his forceful opening verse. Indeed, this is one clique not to be fucked with. B+

"Girl On Fire" Alicia Keys ft. Nicki Minaj

Don't call it a comeback—or a Hunger Games reference. Alicia Keys insisted as much when she debuted her new song, "Girl On Fire," at the Video Music Awards last night. Serving as the lead single from her upcoming fifth studio album of the same name, it's perfectly adequate power R&B, offering heightened drama, passionate vocals and soulful runs. Unfortunately, "Fire" lacks the catchy sizzle of previous Keys showstoppers like "If I Ain't Got You" and "No One"; it feels more like album filler than a potential smash that will reignite her career after a two-year hiatus. The blandly inspirational imagery, in particular, underwhelms without any apparent connection to Keys' own experiences. Delivering two forgettable guest verses, Nicki Minaj has never felt like such a gratuitous presence on a track (nope, not even on "Give Me All Your Luvin'"). B

Throwback Thursday: "Venus" Bananarama

From the Spice Girls to Girls Aloud, the British are masters of the female pop group. Practically a national pastime these days, it's a phenomenon that has its modern roots in the 1980s, when all-girl band Bananarama updated—and revived—a decades-old tradition by focusing more on dance sounds than doo wop harmonies. Emerging from the London punk scene, this trio of childhood friends went on to produce some of the decade's most memorable pop hits, including "Venus," a cover of Shocking Blue's 1969 chart-topper. While the early synthesizer production sounds hopelessly of its time, the song's famous refrain ("I'm your Venus/I'm your fire/Your desire") still holds immense appeal, driven primarily by Bananarama's unique unison singing, which creates a big sound bursting with attitude. It's no wonder the line lives on as the soundtrack to razor commercials. B

26 years ago this week, "Venus" was the #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100.

"Gangnam Style" PSY

First came the crazy dance that sparked a viral sensation. Then "Gangnam Style," Korean rapper PSY's electro house ode to Seoul's trendiest district, started climbing the iTunes chart. Could it be that we finally have our "Crank That" for the dance-pop era? Like Soulja Boy's 2007 hit, which spent seven weeks at #1 on the Hot 100, the success of "Style" is somewhat perplexing. Sure, the candy-colored music video is an enjoyably absurd romp, but the song doesn't offer much in the way of musical value. The meager charms of its "Oppan Gangnam style!" hook are swallowed up by a synth assault—which probably feels better on the body than it sounds to the ear—and any redeeming wit gets lost in translation. There's a lack of credibility that instantly dates "Style" as a novelty party hit. That's unlikely to stop the fun any time soon, but just beware, PSY: The fate of the Macarena awaits you in the annals of history. D-

"Dive" Usher

Judging by his latest album, Looking 4 Myself, it would seem that Usher is undergoing some sort of identity crisis. Nearly two decades into a career full of multi-platinum sales and crossover hits, it is less apparent than ever who the 33-year-old star is as an artist. Though once (not unconvincingly) hailed as Michael Jackson's successor, Usher's musical output now consists of a dishearteningly market-tested mash-up of radio-ready dance-pop—which boosted his sagging profile back in 2010—and the R&B ballads that were his bread and butter.

If I could make one suggestion to help Usher sort things out, it would be to drop the stale synths and focus more on soulful numbers like this summer's exquisite "Climax" and new single "Dive," another sexy bedroom jam. The falsetto runs and heavy-handed central metaphor are nothing new to his repertoire, but they showcase Usher at his best: as a master of seductive sensitivity. If you're going to stick to a formula, pick the right one. A-